S E L F L O V E S U N D A Y
It was Sunday, and I got a visit from my little friend anxiety. To anyone that suffers you’ll know there is no particular reason why you feel this way, it just is.
Although I come to recognise the pattern (full moon appraoching along with the monthly visitor) it makes it no less of a shit day.
So there I am, trying to practise in my kitchen and everything was just STUCK – Just a mere reflection of my mental state.
I caught glimpses of myself in the kitchen door and I’m thinking how bloated I look.
Thoughts still clouding my head that I’m not good enough, I’m not where I am ment to be. I’m not progressing, I’m ugly and all kinds of awkward.
For this I’m not proud ; I think it’s a reality we all face but hate to admit it. Especially when you live a fortunate life; how can we be justified in thinking
all of that!? So instead of sharing we bury the burden and add a little bit more self loathing on top!
P R O G R E S S
After around half hour of shit talk I become all to aware of where my head has gone.
Why? I asked myself.
Why am I punishing myself for standards only I have set?
Why am I treating myself worse than i would my enemy!?
Why am I talking to myself like this when I wouldn’t dare to speak to ANYONE else like this?
Why is all that okay when I’m on the recieving end of such behaviour?
I’ve become all to sick and tired of my biggest critic being inside of my head.
Self love seems to be a tricky thing to cultivate for all of us. But I don’t understand why we find it so hard.
We as human beings are capable of the most infinite and unconditional love. I feel it when I look at my family, my best friends to whom I would give my all.
That unwavering love that knows no bounds.
Damn we are even capable of giving such love to people who maybe less than deserving.
We find it so easy to give love to the wrong people who may abuse it yet we find it so difficult to extend that love to ourselves.
we are our own worse critic.
Maybe its because we are the only beings we literally know inside out? Experiencing to our full extent what our “worst” is. The most darkness we’ve ever lived has always been inside; the Ins and outs of the lowest lows.
How can we be deserving of such love when we know how dark our deepest depths are, when we’re over ran by jealousy, fear and loathing?
Well here’s the reality of it, we are all in the same boat!
You think that person next to you on the bus doesn’t have feelings of hatred?
You think that TV presenter doesn’t get jealous when shes beaten to the post for a promotion?
It is unfortunately human nature and we need to stop punishing ourselves for it!
Just become aware of it rather than let ourself get consumed in our own negative spirals.
R E A L I S A T I O N
This has been a stark realisation for me. Why are we not worthy of the love we are capable of and so ready to give away?
The fact I’m struggling to care for and love myself just as equally as those I care about it my life and I’m sure if you’ve gotten this far you are too.
Now all I’ll ask is this: Extend the same love to yourself as you would that significant other
I for one pray and send love everynight to all I hold dear, now Im making sure to include myself on that list. – Its that easy!
Be your own best friend
See how you much flourish
Peace and Love