26 Years – The Process

Today is my 26th Birthday.

Though most of you will say I’m still young (and it’s true) it’s taken me this long to find what I believe to be my calling. Or should I say: the answer I been searching for.

I’m starting to realise more and more that life is a process. Each chapter leading perfectly to the next whether we’re conscious of it or not.

I’d say my soul has always been a seeker. When I look back now I’ve always been looking for something more

At the age of 7 I came home and ask my parents to move schools, away from all my friends and all I known at that time into something new.

At the age of 13 I did it again in secondary school. Swapping the comfortable routines for a new school. Feeling like somehow some where I’d find my place.

I started university because it was the “smart” thing to do. Training as a primary school teacher.

One year down the line on a Tuesday morning I quit

I knew there was something more, a higher meaning that wasn’t being taught in schools, separate from what society was expecting from us. Now I see it can never be taught, but only learnt and felt from experience.

5 days later I was in the Austrian alps

I was a cleaner and a waitress.

I was a bar maid.

I came home and sat on a computer to process life insurance in order to save enough money to go to Canada.

Canadian Visa ran out by the time I got my lunch break so that didn’t happen.

I needed a ticket out

My best friend sent me a email advert about a airline in the Middle East. I’d never been on a plane longer than 4 hours and who even knew where the Middle East was?

I moved to Dubai 3 months later and became an air hostess

I gained the world and lost myself as I flew between continents trying to balance Dubai life and the person I thought I was inside.

I love whole heartedly and gave myself to relationships in search of some meaning.

And ofcourse that didn’t work out either.

I tried again a degree in business management because it was a “smart” thing to do.

One year later I gave up on that too.

Then in the pits of anxiety and desperation I turned to a yoga class to find some peace.

Now I’m a yoga teacher

And today I can see how all these twists and turns lead me to this place. I’ve been 5 years in Dubai, and in the first three I lived in 5 different apartments nearly resigned double that amount, but something or someone was always sent to make me stay and discover what’s been waiting for me.

Something that would make my heart sing, something that would lead me to my true self, that I could follow with blind faith and I’m sure as I age this will change and be questioned. The difference is:

Fear And Faith

I’m not scared anymore. My life’s paths so far has lead me to an understanding that life is unfolding exactly as it should, even if it isn’t the way your imagining it.

I had so many ideas for myself but now I’m starting to realize even they do not matter, life has bigger plans for you and is always nudging you towards what you seek.

You are being held

And I’m not writing this as a little autobiography for you.

I’m writing this as a message to you. That it doesn’t matter if things don’t work out. “Failing” at all these things is ultimately the way we learn more about what we don’t want in life.

It doesn’t matter that you can’t see what you want to do, or you don’t have your purpose. What matters is you’re still saying yes to life’s experiences. That way instead of focusing so hard on who you are your winning half the battle in finding out who you are not and can categoricallyΒ  say THIS IS NOT ME.

Knowing

I’m 100% sure that moving into knowing is a process in itself. Maybe we simply can’t comprehend what in store for us. I know if you told me at 18 what I’ve done in the last 8 years I couldn’t of even imagined it!

Maybe us knowing simple hinders our process of becoming.

Maybe us knowing would take away the lesson in faith we all have to learn before the universe answers our prayers.

Keep striving, keeping doing.

Peace and love

Always

SJ x

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