I could hardly let a big day like valentines slip pass without me having some inspo to write.
I’ve been single for early two years now, so god knows I’ve had enough time to deliberate over this subject.
All You Need Is Love
The beatles knew it.
You know it.
I know it…
So why do we find it so hard?
Reality is we have a unrealistic view of what love actually means. Looking outside of us to fit the mould and ultimately (here comes the curse word) SETTLING.
Everyone is so obsessed with finding love they forget about themselves, forget to start living.
We jump into adulthood desperately searching for the one to complete us. We look to someone else to tell us that it’s all going to be okay, someone that gives us stability and security because most of us have no idea what the hell we’re doing or where we are heading.
Danger is when you put all this in another, what do you have when its gone? Or people are scared to face the facts that their other half could be a complete incompatable shape all together.
But from the fear of loosing all that’s stable, all that’s comfortable; they’ll carry on in there own little bubble of dysfunction.
It may not be perfect but its love – Right?
What Love Should Be:
One word my friends – Unconditional.
True love of its purest form exists without conditions.
However many relationships exist purely on a conditional basis; having to look, act and be a certain way to please another. These relationships limit the other, banning them from certain experiences, from chasing their dreams simple because the other are scared of loosing them – asif they are some sort of possession in the first place.
I say FUCK that. Yes I swore but this is a subject very close to my heart. And if you find yourself in this kind of relationship I can tell you now : THAT IS NOT LOVE
Pure love isn’t possessing, its nourishing it’s putting the others best interest at heart and watching/helping them grow.
How Can We Attain It?
1- Knowing your worth
We are all awesome, we are all worthy of love. If anyone makes you feel less so, do yourself a favour get up from the table when love is no longer being served.
You are worthy of so much more, all you have to do is believe that yourself . Which brings me to the next point..
2-By cultivating Love in ourselves first
Yes this is the part where I pollute your screens with the self love jargon.
It will always boil down to this one principle – you can’t give what you don’t possess yourself. Only when you cultivate something inside, be it self worth, self love; can you truly give it to or expect it from another.
How can we expect someone to truly love us and see our own kind of beautiful when we are blind to it ourselves, when we don’t like what we see in the mirror?
It’s these insecurities that will start arguments and puts strain on the relationship – looking for the other person to fix them and fill in the holes. Then these pockets of insecurities will finally burst when they aren’t getting pandered to or getting enough attention.
The Result – a real shit show of unhappiness, anxiety and clinging.
So…How to start this self love journey?
Simple. Use this single time to really get to know yourself.
We’re all so focus on finding the one we forget to explore and know who we are.
If only we switched this focus and instead of spending so much time finding “the one” we focus that time on finding ourselves.
Just do you.
Fall absolutely head over heels with yourself. The best discoveries are the ones you make about yourself. What you really like and dislike, your strengths your flaws, how you act to any given situation. YOUR PASSION. What does your heart say? Not your head or that other person, but truly you, your essence. If we give all this to ourselves we don’t NEED another to complete us, people can’t give us anything or take it away. They simply add to your life.
After all this we can stop aimlessly searching for another half and aim for finding another whole. Then truly experience what love really is.
Unconditional – loving without possession.
Love is the most amazing and blinding/ magical thing.
But you should never be compromising who you are for it.
Neither should any relationship be your indentity.
This is to all my single pringles out there. Living a life of solitude, figuring themselves out before evening thinking about giving themselves to another.
I SALUTE YOU
We all know it isn’t easy, But MAN is it worth it!
AND you may be reading this thinking why the hell am I listening to all of this from a girl who claims to have the secret formula but lacks the end product.
To that I simply say right now, I’m doing me, and after my fair amount of shit I’m more than happy to go on my selfish ways chasing my passion.
But when the time is right,
and I do find that someone
I know from the bottom of my heart, I’ll never settle for the fucked up, dysfunctional or mundane again.
Peace and Love